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The Cold Man's Lullabye by ~LyttleBlankyta:iconLyttleBlankyta:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


Of yesterday,
Remember drying out and shrinking left
To haggle cackle-bound confessions of
Another day bereft.
Of yesterday, think coldly on the middle and the mast
On what your callous eyes can counter,
Where your first became your last.

Dream slowly when you slumber;
Wake in peace with whom you call.
Let someone beautiful beside you
Watch brisk moments as they fall
Until, in silence on some balcony, you've kindly dropped them all.
©2008-2009 ~LyttleBlankyta
:iconlyttleblankyta:

Author's Comments

First in a while and it's not up to par
I actually forgot how to submit.
Oh well.

Comments


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:iconinterpolny:
~Interpolny Jan 12, 2008, 11:25:51 AM
this is really great, but I´ve got one little suggestion:
in the last stanza, I would put the linebreak after the "you" so that it would be this way:

Let someone beautiful beside you
Watch brisk moments as they fall

I understand that you probably want to let the "as they fall" remain as a single line, but in my opinion it is better for rhythm when you put like that. apart from this little tweak it is a very good poem, the rhymes work well.

--
Boy wants a car from his Dad
Dad says: first you gotta cut that hair
Boy says: hey Dad, Jesus had long hair
and Dad says: that's right son and Jesus walked everywhere
-The Silver Jews
:iconlyttleblankyta:
~LyttleBlankyta Jan 12, 2008, 1:21:12 PM
thank you for the suggestion, i've fixed it and you're right, it does sound better this way.
Thanks also for the comment :D

--
I'd bury this pen into my veins.
:icontrish-dancegurl:
~trish-dancegurl Jan 13, 2008, 10:16:14 AM
i actually squealed with joy when i saw this in my inbox.
no joke.
always a pleasure to read :)

--
your mom - rated 'e' for everyone.
:iconlyttleblankyta:
~LyttleBlankyta Jan 14, 2008, 6:30:38 PM
(: you are absolutely wonderful, and your comment made my day.
Thank you, honestly.

--
I'd bury this pen into my veins.
:iconextramundane:
~extramundane Jan 30, 2008, 5:16:05 PM
that last line is practically a kick to the soul.


fantastic.

--
-ash
:iconlyttleblankyta:
~LyttleBlankyta Jan 31, 2008, 3:32:38 AM
thank you so much :aww:

--
I'd bury this pen into my veins.
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